¡Fo Reels, Yo! (...and for rants, and for other things too.)

(part 3 of 4)
The scary-sexy but just as scary-scary, hockey mothering, rogue going, pitbull of a maverick united reactionaries in breathing new life into McSame's stale campaign.  As Frankenstein watched from the sidelines (at times literally during his on again/off again campaign) his lipstick wearing monster in pumps and whatever else she was getting gratis from Bloomingdales, managed to garner something close to Obamasized fervor for the Republican ticket.  And she managed to keep that enthusiasm going for nearly two whole weeks. 

Then with almost a flick of the switch, the tele-
prompters went off and she was on her own doing interviews.  Interviews with cold blooded, cut-throat, gonzo journalists of the radical left like Charlie (Good Morning, America) Gibson and Katie (The Today Show) Couric.  Interviews which briefly put Tina Fey back on SNL and briefly made SNL relevant again. 

Those "Where does Putin rear his head?" interviews as well as McCain's September 15th proclamation that "The fundamentals of the economy are strong" a day after Merrill Lynch was sold off and on the very day that Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy, tanking the stock market like a New Orleans' levee, or A-Rod in the post-season, put an end to the last glimmer of hope for the Grand Oil Party.

The subprime 
mortgage crisis (a cycle started by insanely adjustable predatory loans purposely made to high risks to move capital, burst once property values nose dived making the necessary refinancing impossible, ultimately leaving banks with piles of delinquent foreclosure notes instead of cash, thus forcing these banks to tighten credit between each other and businesses worldwide) finished Lehman and started an array of government bailouts.  Bailout bread loaned to us from China to keep Wall Street afloat.  

When the credit crunch hit Detroit, the Big Three would later need to entertain Congress with a little soft shoe, and do so several times before getting less than 2% of what the caviar tasting, port sipping, Cuban-puffing investment bankers waltzed out with.  This allowed Democrats the chance to show that they were finally getting tough on something and Republicans (most from right to work states which give tax breaks to German and Japanese car makers so that they can treat American workers the way NAFTA allows us to treat Mexican ones) the chance to break the UAW.  In short, during an all out economic meltdown not seen since the 1930's, half a million union members were making concessions to keep their obscenely obtuse, stunningly out of touch bosses in business while bankers gently glided off to safety under their meltdown-proof golden parachutes.     

For the rest of us, the prospects of a meltdown so great, a national debt so large, social security so broke, unemployment so high, dollar so weak, Iraq and Afghanistan such messes, America's standing in the world so low, that to paraphrase Chris Rock, we had no choice but to elect the black guy.  Which of course is what America did on November 4th.  After the debates, after Palin's 
"Say it ain't so, Joe" moment, after McCain's many "Joe the Plumber" moments, after both of their "Joe Sixpack" moments, and after all the dust settled, Obama made history with the first true mandate in decades.  Obama scored the second biggest Democratic Presidential victory since 1964, and coat-tailed along with him to DC, the greatest Presidential year congressional gains since 1948.  In total, the Democrats picked up 21 seats in the House, and once SNL veteran Al Franken has his recount victory officially certified, will add 8 more seats to the Senate.

One new seat not picked up, but instead named, might have been the most interesting Senate addition of them all.  No, not the one which will go to Hillary Clinton's New York successor, Caroline Kennedy.  Governor Paterson is still dancing around that one.  The real controversy belongs to Obama's 
vacant seat.  Where disgraced "you gotta pay to play" and soon to be impeached Illinois Governor, Rod "The Blagonator" Blagojevich (husband of the equally eloquent "Fuck that fuckin Cubs shit, fuck 'em!" Patty Mell-Blagojevich) added a twist to his FBI bribery investigation.  At a surreal press conference, Blago took his 1979 haircut and Charles Manson eyes to the podium and named loveable local loser, Roland Burris (no relation to Plaxico Burress, but more on Plax later) Obama's successor in the Senate.  Whether the other Senators ever actually seats Hot Rod's pick seems unlikely at this time.